11.

L A S Y A

Shocked filled my nerves and I stared at Moksh's state in a daze. He was heavily drunk, he couldn't keep his eyes open properly, hell, couldn't even stand on his own feet without stumbling.

He reminded me so much of my father, back in those days when he would come back completely drunk and would abuse my mother or me. He wouldn't think twice before raising his hand on us or slurring profanities.

He would turn into a lunatic, hitting us, removing all his anger, a complete drunken mess.

And since that day I have grown so afraid of alcohol or any liquor, I despise people who consume them. Seeing my arch hatred towards the consumption of any alcoholic beverages had both my best friends running away from the same.
I would go all bulldogs on them if they even lift their lashes to the venom.

I had been a teetotaler all my life, I'd seen enough homes crumbling down under the influence of the drug, that it had me running miles away from it.

"Yeh kya haal bana rakha hai apna, Moksh?", I flinched when I heard Dadaji's loud voice.
He looked scary. His voice was so loud, that even Nevan was about to drop Moksh who was leaning onto him. I quickly walked towards them and supported Moksh's dizzy state.

[Translation: what condition have you made of yourself, Moksh?]

I rounded one hand around his shoulder and the other around his waist. Nevan passed me a small smile while I nodded softly.

The strong smell of alcohol hit my nostrils making me almost gag at the smell. I felt nauseated and disgusted but still, I held strongly onto Moksh.

He had his head hung low, barely conscious while everyone looked at him with mixed emotions, some angry at his foolishness, some sad, some pitying him, while the most dreaded one came from his mother.

Vidya Mehrotra didn't look angry or sad, rather she looked disappointed in her son, in her upbringing.

"Tu pikar aaya hai", it was not a question but a statement. Her tone held disbelief and her eyes pooled with tears. It felt as if she was thinking that she had failed as a mother.

[Translation: you came home drunk?]

"m-mom", Moksh's voice slurred as he struggled to form words. She stared at him as if he had betrayed her.
Her jaw was tightened and her eyes red as she was trying her best to keep her tears at bay and I knew for a matter of fact that somewhere I was responsible for this mess too.

Her hand raised in the hair to slap him. But before he could receive the blow, I yanked his body back and took his place, taking a strong jab as the slap landed on my cheek. The loud noise echoed in the room and several gasps followed.

My head jerked towards the left because of the strong hit, my hair covering my face. Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes and my cheek burned as the pain shot through my body.
Ouch, it hurt like a bitch. I knew this was going to leave marks, at times I really cursed my pale skin colour.

"Lasya?Why?", my mother-in-law stepped backwards, her voice filled with shock as she stared at me in a state of disbelief. She palmed her mouth and everyone gasped.
Well, I was amazed myself.

"He's my husband Aunty, and it was my fault, I fought with him", I looked into her eyes and held onto Moksh again. Everyone stared at me stupified at my reply as if I had grown two heads.
I didn't look like an alien, did I? Thappad ki wajah se mere baal toh nhi na ulajh gye?

[Translation: Do I  look like an alien,? Did my hair get entangled because of the slap?]

"This is all this girl's fault, not even a week into the marriage and she had turned our son into a drunkard. I tell you, get her out of this mansion, pata nhi aur kaise kaise din dekhna padenge", Radhika bua hissed, probably drilling holes into my skull from the side.
I never understood the problem with this woman.
Har wakt mujhe hi poke karna hai!

[Translation: I don't know what kind of days we will have to face because of her.

: every chance she gets, she'll poke me only]

"bas Radhika, apni bakwas band karo., Lasya, Nevan, Moksh ko kamre meh le jaao, aur sab apne apne kamre meh jao, kal baat karenge", my father-in-law's heavy voice boomed. His order held a hidden command, threatening anyone to try and go against his words.

[Translation: Radhika, stop your nonsense, Lasya, Nevan take Moksh to his room, and everyone will go to your rooms, we will talk tomorrow.]

And the family was no fool to do so, as they obliged to his command and retreated to their respective chambers.

"Bhabhi aap rhne dijiye, mai sambhal lunga", Nevan spoke, supporting Moksh's almost unconscious body. "Fere lete wakt, inhe sambhalne ka vachan maine bhi liya tha", I replied and watched his eyes soften as he nodded and we ascended the stairs going towards our room.

[Translation: Sister-in-law, you leave it, I will take care of it.

: While taking the vows, I had also taken a promise to take care of him.]

In front of our bedroom door, Nevan gripped Moksh's body tightly while I opened the door. We successfully made it to the bed and then dumped his good-for-nothing drunken ass on the bed. Both of us heaved a sigh of relief and passed a look to each other.

Man! I was tired to my bones, firstly the reception exhaustion was kicking in, and imagine the horror of carrying a 6 feet something man, struggling under don't know how much weight of his, towards the room and cherry on top, he was completely wasted from drinking.

"Bhai mai toh thak Gaya, kitna bhari hai yeh jallad", Nevan huffed as he massaged his back and shoulders. He gulped two glasses of water like a thirsty crow and then slumped on the bed beside an intoxicated sloth.

[Translation: I am so tired, this moron is so heavy]

Moksh continued blabbering God knows what under his tone. Suddenly he laughed and I gave him a nasty look. With a hand on my hips, I slowly sipped on the water when Moksh sat on the bed in a jolt making us look at him like a ghost.

"W-wha a-a-are y-you drinkin?", Moksh slurred his speech while his eyes laced with water. Both Nevan and I rolled our eyes at his fake accent while he continued with his antics. "It's water!", I replied not giving a f about him anymore and sitting on the couch.

"Whyyyy.......", a droll rolled down his lips which he wiped with his shirt sleeves. I was grossed at the sight, but he looked cute though.

And that's when I noticed his state. He had ditched his blazer, only in his white shirt with the top two buttons undone.

His hairs were dishevelled as if he had been running his hands through it, his always shining mischievous brow eyes were sleepy and he passed us a goofy smile.

He looked charming and boyish. If not drunken I would have admired and swooned at the sight of him but I seriously loathed drunkards.

"Okay! So calm your ass down, the maid will get you a lemonade in a minute", I spoke standing on my feet and keeping the glass on the table. I was super pissed and my head throbbed with a headache. "N-no... It's so boring, in here, we need some music", he whined and patted his pants pockets, probably searching for his phone.

His body swayed back and forth and he almost fell on the bed.

His back touched the mattress and soon he dozed off blabbering in his sleep. Nevan and I huffed before he stood up and walked towards the door.

"I'm sorry you have to bear with this raccoon bhabhi, but I swear he didn't do it intentionally. He's a good man, hope you're getting what I'm hinting at", he passed me a reassuring smile before I stepped out not before locking the door.

Taking my lower lip under my teeth, I stared at Moksh unconscious on the bed, his long legs hanging down the bed, almost touching the floor while he slept in an uncomfortable position.
This giant beast was going to regret the mess he created the very next morning.

Sighing, I approached the bed and shook my head. Removing his shoes I placed his legs on and covered him with the duvet. He comfortably snuggled in the bed and pouted softly making me chuckle at the sight of him.

His soft curls covered his forehead, his long lashes fanning his high cheekbones and full lips. He had a sharp jawline, as sharp as a knife enough to cut through a paper.

He was damn handsome with admirable features to die for, and attractive just like a model out of a magazine cover. Greek God features tall height, muscular and buff body. A complete package.

Suddenly I was engulfed by the strong smell of alcohol and my whole body froze. A bitter feeling arose through my body and my oesophagus contracted with the foul taste. I immediately stepped back as if he had burned me. I felt disgusted and dirty.

Quickly sprinting towards the washroom I closed the door with a bang not caring about anything. Once inside my resolve finally broke. The dam of tears I held back finally flowed freely as warm tears leaked through my eyes.

A deep cry escaped my throat and my whole body shook with the overwhelming emotions.

A strong gush of nausea hit me and I ran towards the sink, emptying all the content of my stomach. My throat burned and my head burst with everything.

I felt clogged up with emotions and my breathing turned abnormal. Tears blurred my vision and goosebumps erupted on my whole body. It felt like someone had snatched my oxygen supply.

My legs gave up and I fell on the ground with a thump. My eyes were wide and my senses turned numb. My fingers trembled, my palms cold and I couldn't feel my feet anymore. My chest heaved up and down with heavy breathing and I felt like losing my senses at any moment as the overwhelming feeling was starting to feel unending.

A gut-wrenching sob left my lips as my eyes brimmed with tears, my mind completely fogged with the demons from the past. Anxiety crept through every fibre within me and it felt like the end yet not as if there was more to it, more to the suffering and pain.

Everything moved around me, turning blur to my eyes as the haunting memories from my past flashed like a broken casate before black dots appeared in front of my vision and I lost consciousness.

Flashback~~

"shit", I cursed, as I rubbed the pencil scribble on the paper with the eraser. I was trying to solve a mathematical problem that our teacher gave me as homework. I swear solving word problems would be the death of me, like why would I be interested in Ayush, Ram, or Aman buying mangoes? 2nd grade is difficult, I promise!

"Maid, mera khana laga do", I flinched when I heard the bombing voice of my father. My throat ran dry and I gulped hard. I noticed my fingers trembling and I gripped the pencil hard, making my knuckles turn white.

[Translation: Maids, set the tables]

I had avoided as many encounters as I could with my father after the last time he showed me his beasty side. To say I was scared would be an understatement, because I was left terrified, having difficulty going to sleep because of the nightmares.

"Maids, maids", he yelled, I could feel the anger in his tone crawling through my skin making me freeze in my place. I sat rotted on the living room couch too afraid to come even under 10 metre radius of him.

Suddenly someone gripped my forearm in a tight grip, making me wince loudly.

"Sunai nhi de raha, tabse pagalo saman chilla raha hu mai", I stared at my father's red eyes with wide orbs. My whole body shivered under his hold as he dug his fingers into my small hand.

[Translation: can't you hear, I've been screaming like crazy ever since.]

"Kuch kaha maine, jawab dene ke liye muh nhi hai kya?", he yelled, his loud voice catching every working staff's attention, but no one came to my resume. "I-I", my voice shuttered as tears escaped my eyes. Words caught in my throat, too frightened to say a single thing in front of him as he glared sharply at me.

[Translation: I said something, don't you have a mouth to answer?]

"Madhurima, madhurima", he shouted for my mother while I silently sobbed under his steel grip which had started to hurt now. My heavily pregnant mother descended the staircase holding onto her bump securely and everyone gathered in the living room. My mother's eyes widened and she stopped near the last stair too shocked to react to anything.

"P-please, please don't hit me, l-let me g-go p-please, papa please", I stammered, begging my father as I wiggled to free my hand. I forced my lashes upwards and met his rage-filled eyes, his red-rimmed eyes glared down at me as if I had disgusted him. There was a certain imbalance in his body and he stumbled upon his feet. That's when I noticed that he was slightly drunk. With a harsh force, he left my hand as if my touch had burned him.

I fell on the floor with a thump. My whole body trembled as tears blurred my vision. My breathing turned ragged and I sniffed rubbing my burning eyes with my shivery fingers. It suddenly felt difficult to breathe, and no matter how much I tried to keep myself awake everything blurred around me.

I heard noises and scrapping of shoes around me but my brain was too occupied to pinpoint anything.

Soon my head met the floor as I felt myself losing consciousness and slipping into darkness, the nagging feeling overpowering me.

Since then I've been frightened of drunken men, I loathed them and hated them to my guts. And it was the first time I've had a panic attack.

~

It was the early hours of the morning when my eyes fluttered open. My whole body was cold, because of passing out on the floor in this freezing weather. Even though it was January, New Delhi was still cold outside.

A foul taste erupted on my tongue making me gag and gross out at myself. With the support of the floor, I raised myself on my palm and stood up. My legs almost felt jelly and my head was heavy, as if someone was hammering against my skull with a harmer.

Shaking my head I walked towards the sink, rinsed my mouth, brushed my teeth and gargled thoroughly. Splashing water on my face, I leaned towards the sink with my hands resting on either side of the marble.

A tired sigh left my lips and I tried to gauze everything happening around me. I felt tired, mentally, physically and emotionally. It was suddenly so suffocating and unbearable.

Running a hand through my hair, I stared at myself in the mirror. Dark noticeable bags appeared under my eyes, my hazel eyes looked sunken inside and I looked like a corpse, but breathing yet defeated from life.

Shaking my head, I wiped my face with the face towel and stepped out of the washroom, after cleaning the mess I created.
Guess what? I'd spent the third night of my marriage in a damn bathroom. Just great, right?

Taking the blanket, I walked towards the couch and plopped myself onto it. It was big enough to accommodate the whole me, yet I guess my alter ego was so huge as a mountain that I didn't sleep onto it on the wedding night, I guess.

I covered myself completely and dozed off, trying to catch some sleep since it was still early in the morning. The next I woke up was probably during noon. I rubbed my tired eyes when I noticed the time on my phone. It was half past noon.

I wondered why no one woke me up. Swearing and cursing myself I took a quick shower and got ready for the day. I would be damned if I didn't get to the dinner table at least for lunch. I swear Radhika bua was going to give me a tough time now. More drama.

What shocked me was that I didn't notice Moksh's presence in the room. Where had the maroon headed too? With questions, I stepped out of my room while adjusting my dupatta when I stumbled into my mother-in-law.

"Aunty, I am sorry I couldn't make it to the breakfast table, I swear I had the alarm set but I couldn't wake up", I blabbered nonsense in haste while I kept apologising. "Shh shh shh, aaram se bacche, lambi saans lo ek aur fir bolo", she cooed rubbing my shoulders.

[Translation: Shh shh, relax baby, take a deep breath and then say]

"I'm sorry", I pouted and her eyes softened as she passed me a small smile. "Don't worry, I understand the past few days were tiresome for you, so you overslept especially after last night", her tone hardened at the end, and I could feel the anger radiating from her.

"I know I'm not supposed to interfere in the family matters but Aunty it wasn't completely his fault, somewhere I'm to be held responsible too", I tried pacifying her and watched her expressions change. "Husband or not, you don't get to justify his action or speak on behalf of his mistake. Or even take the slap which was supposed to knock some sense into him", she spat, my words falling dead to her ears

"But-"

"No buts, Lasya. Alcohol is a forbidden topic, a grave crime, a sin in the Mehrotra mansion and he should be held accountable for his foolishness, he'd broken the promise", she hissed her voice turning pained in the end. "Promise?", my eyebrows thinned in confusion

"Yes! It was that unfortunate night-", she hesitated but went on as we took our seats on the nearby chairs

"It was during their university days, both the friends were so happy being gotten their dream college that they partied all night, it was raining. You know how unpredictable Mumbai's rain is. The duo were drunken and had a near-death experience. Once we found out, I was devastated but relieved when we found both were safe and sound. Since then alcohol has been prohibited", she said, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as she remembered that unfortunate night, but I could feel that she was holding something back. It wasn't the complete truth, but I did not insist on her to reveal everything.

"Now tell me Lasya, wasn't my outburst understandable yesterday? I could have lost both my sons in that dreaded accident. Moksh was my own blood, and Nevan was no different than like my own for me", she sniffed, blinking her lashes. I moved towards her and engulfed her in a tight hug. "I understand Aunty, but last night you were in emotional turmoil. Give Moksh a chance to explain, I believe he would have his reasons", I comforted her to which she nodded breaking from the hug.

Now thinking from her perspective, I could understand her as well. She was correct, that consumption can slowly lead to addiction as well. What you call an occasional drink could turn into a daily dose of addiction.

I have seen families getting ruined, and many houses breaking because of the deadly drug that flows through the veins. It tempts you to drink it and then under the influence you end up hurting people whom you never imagined you would.

"I'm sorry, my baby, I hit you, I'm so sorry, forgive me hm?", her tone was so tender and soft as she caressed the cheek she had previously slapped. She pecked my slightly bruised cheek and feathered it. My eyes polled with warm tears at her warmth and I sniffed, my lower lip wobbling.

She cupped my face and smiled at me while I reciprocated with a teary-eyed smile. It felt overwhelming and new, a mother's embrace that I craved for my whole life. And I was left questioning if this was all a dream. An illusion? Because if it was, I didn't want it to end.

There were days when I was standing as strong as a warrior, days when I was a broken and emotional mess with my overflowing emotions all over the place but no one to be confined into.

And there were days when I was both. But every day I am there, standing strong, fighting my demons and being brave enough to overcome all the challenges.

Life was never a bed of roses it was always thrones that had deeply pricked me, piercing through my feet and leaving me with lifelong untreated and unhealed wounds with ugly and brutal scars behind.