10.

L A S Y A

I stared at the retreating back of Moksh as he stormed away from my line of sight. My eyes held the longing look, my hands itched to call him back and be in his arms once again, while the nagging feeling filled the back of my head.

I looked down at the velvet box in my palm and slowly opened it, what lay inside it was a rose gold intrigued design band with a small white craved diamond which glared at me probably glaring at me for my stupidity. The ring had me in awe at the mere sight of it and I was seconds away from calling out for Moksh.

But I refrained from doing anything, my fingers feathered the fingerprints my mother had left behind on my wrist and a bitter taste filled my tongue. This wasn't something new I was dealing with.

Her words had managed to pierce deep into my heart yet again and make me realise how unwanted I was. I slowly blinked my eyes as a feeling of despair filled my heart, I gulped and watched my fingers shiver, my palms turning cold. My brain felt fogged and everything was hazy as flashbacks blurred my vision.

The same dark cloud loomed over me and something was trying to pull me into the darkness, the same nightmare, the same screams, everything came rushing back. My legs seemed to freeze in their place and I stood like a corpse, with shallow breathing, and unmovable.

"Tu thik hai na, bacha?", I was snapped out of my tormented clouds as Dhruv shook my shoulders.
[Translation: are you ok, baby]

His gaze held worry and he embraced me in his warm embrace, cocooning me, completely obvious to my breakdown. I closed my eyes as he slowly patted my back and I felt coming back to reality.

"Bas, bas, shant! Shant! Mai hu yaha per, ok? Deep breathing", he kept chanting and I followed his instructions, concentrating on my breathing. "Thik hai abhi?", he questioned when I broke from the hug, I nodded and took small sips from the glass of water he passed my way.

[Translation: That's it, that's it, calm down! Calm! I am here, okay? deep breathing

: Are you okay now?]

The water did help calm my nerves and I became conspicuous of my surroundings. I took a deep breath and tried to pass him a small smile which came out more forced than I intended.

Dhruv Rastogi was my bua's only son. He was a year older than me and someone to whom I would, confined in the past. In our childhood whenever his family would visit us during vacations, we would stick around together most of the time.

We would chill and sneak out late at night for long drives and would have our time hogging street foods during summer. We were super cool, the other cousins were always envious of our bond and would try to fit in but they never could.

He was my favourite cousin, and I would pour out my heart in front of him, but this changed after that particular incident. The night that changed everything, after which overnight Nani took me along with her to Mumbai and since then Dhruv and I never had encounters. We would rarely meet or talk on the phone but I think our bond wasn't tainted or vanished as I thought.

"What's all this happening Lasya, hm? Kya ho raha hai? Raina kaha hai, aur yeh teri shaadi? yeh sab kya ho raha hai?", even though filled with questions and doubts, he had his tone calm and composed. He knew how afraid I was of loud noises and him being so soft and controlling his voice made me feel bad for keeping the truth away from him

[Translation: What's all this happening Lasya, hum? What is happening? Where is Raina, and this is your marriage? what is all this happening?]

"It's complicated Dhruv, all I request you to do is, at this moment please trust me", I replied when I heard someone scoffing behind me.

"Trust you? You aren't trustworthy Lasya. You proved that you are an Agarwal, someone one can never be reliable on, like father like daughter", Bua's voice was filled with disbelief when she purposely emphasized the word trust, trying to make me feel small.

"Mom, please", Dhruv insisted sounding down with his mother's behaviour. She scowled at her son and then glared at me, "You are just like your father Lasya, so venomous and impudence"

She snarled, looking at me so hatefully. Niharika Agarwal, now Niharika Rastogi aka my paternal aunty was an insidious and shrewd lady. Born as the youngest sibling to her five older brothers she was always bitter and sour towards them. Because of the obvious discrimination, she undergoes being the only daughter born after five sons.

She was never given the same treatment as her brother which added more to her hatred. But hell broke when her father before his death did not give her the equal share of his property and family wealth.

Since then she had sworn to make Agarwal's life a living hell and be rebellious towards their every decision, something which I would have admired in her if not for her venomous tongue.

"Please don't create a scene here, Mom. You have already embarrassed me enough, remember the threat the Mehrotras have given us, specially Moksh", Dhruv hissed at his mother and added the last sentence in a hushed whisper before dragging her away ignoring her protest.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Did my in-laws threaten the Agarwals? The question loomed over my head and still confused I walked towards the room which was allotted to me. I was in dire need of fresh air and some rest since these heels were killing me.

My family was barbaric, my uncles, my father, my cousins, and everyone but the women in my family were something else.

The Agarwal women were proven to be more vicious and cunning than the men. They were manipulative, had their ways with words and what lay beneath the flashy expensive outfit and wealth were cruel and power-thirsty monsters who wouldn't think twice before skinning you alive for the throne.

I walked through the hallway when I heard voices coming from near the elevator. My ears perked up as I was nearing the area and I heard my father and mother arguing over something.

I stopped at a distance and hid myself behind the wall. Peeping, I tried to ears drop on their conversation. My father glared at my mother like she was the filth under his shoe. He had my mother's wrist clutched in his tight grip. From her expressions, I could tell that it was hurting her beyond what she could endeavour.

My father was no saint either, he was cruel and ruthless who had committed many heinous crimes.
I swear when I say the Agarwals were barbarous.

"Haven't I ordered you to make that worthless daughter of yours agree on the legal clauses? And how dare you come back to me showing me this ugly face of yours empty-handed", he seethed in anger. Spitting curses at my mother, while she stayed immobile under his clutches. She looked scared and bit on her lower lip, her body shaking like a leaf as her eyes lined with tears.

No! My mother wasn't someone ugly or bad-looking, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, she was tall, skinny, pale with hazel eyes and carried herself so well that any male species couldn't resist.

"I-I tried b-but t-the Mehrotra's guard wouldn't let us meet her or even come near her. When I finally got the chance t-to M-moksh came i-in between", she shuttered, her voice full of terror.

My father's eyes went wide and red in rage because I could not comprehend anything a loud shrill voice echoed in the empty hallway.

It was a slap, my father had slapped my mother again before he turned on his heels and walked away. It wasn't the first time, he had done the same numerous times.

My mother hung her head low as silent tears slipped her beautiful hazel eyes, she palmed her red cheek with her trembling fingers, my father's fingerprints completely visible on her bruised cheek.

Her body shivered and fear gripped her eyes, she was vulnerable, helpless, lonely, alone and all by herself.

The fear she felt was the same fear which I had once experienced. I witnessed the whole thing with dead eyes, standing rooted in my place, unable to feel any emotions as my brain refused to rush for her aid or do something.

My father had the kind of anger all fathers do. But his was a bit different, it was loud, abusive, toxic, terrible and filled with violence. It was something that lingered through me for my whole life, running like a deadly venom in my blood.

Looking at the disappearing back of my mother, a vague memory clouded my brain, numbing all my senses.

Flashback~

"Maa, please jane do na. I promise mai kal school jane se phele aa jaungi", I begged my mother for the nth time in a row. It was Dhruv who had come over for a sleepover but unfortunately, he had to leave since he hadn't completed his school project. But I didn't want to let him go just yet, so here I was pleading with my mom, trying to convince me to join Dhruv.

[Translation: Mom, please let me go. I promise I will come tomorrow before school.]

"Shut it Lasya, I have said it before and I'm saying it now, YOU ARE NOT GOING", she replied busy coating her lips with her favourite expensive lipstick. "But why? All my classmates go out to their relatives' places, why don't you allow me to even step out of the mansion except for school", I whined, my lower lip wobbling.

"Stop being a stubborn brat, Lasya, go in your room and complete your homework", she sterned not passing me a glance and busy filling her purse. "Nhi mujhe, jana hai jana hai matlab jana hai", my voice was filled with stubbornness, I stomped on my feet and shook her hand trying to grab her attention.

[Translation: No, I have to go, I have to go, I mean I have to go]

"Ek baar kaha toh samjh mein nhi aata hai tumhare? Bina fizul ki zidd kyu kar rhi ho? Nhi bola na maine", she yelled, glaring down at me. I flinch at her tone, tears gathering at the corner of my eyes and moved a step back. I saw her eyes almost soften, but she masked up the emotions as soon as they came when the voice of my father boomed in the room.

[Translation: Once I said it, don't you understand? Why are you insisting unnecessarily? I refused already]

"Kya ho raha hai yaha?", I gulped at his stern voice, a shiver passed down my spine and I felt chills washing over me. Ignoring the fact that he was just back from work and would probably be in a bad mood, I still mustered up enough courage and walked towards him.

[Translation: what is happening here?]

"Papa!", my voice trembled and I licked my dry chapped lips. His gaze was solid making my body stiff under his gaze. He raised his perfectly sculptured eyebrow at me, as he towered over my small frame. "I want to go over at Dhruv's?", it came out more of a question than I interned.

"No!", his answer was short as he turned his back towards me and dumped his work blazer on the expensive velvet couch. "Please", I pleaded still following him but he ignored me. From the corner of my eyes, I saw my mother staring at the whole overdeal in confusion but slight fear.

"Papa please", he still turned a deaf ear to me, and finally I'd had enough. "Aap kyu nhi Jane de rhe hai mujhe? Mai jaungi, Matlab jaungi, mujhe jana hai jana hai jana hai", I shouted, my chest rising and falling heavily.

[Translation: Why are you not letting me go? I will go, I mean I will go, I have to go, I have to go, I have to go.]

But I guess that was the worst mistake I had made. A sin I had committed. Because I saw the expressions of my father changing and in a blink of an eye I landed on the floor with a stinging pain in my left cheek.

My cheek burned with the impact, and I lay motionless on the floor as tears escaped my eyes. My breathing caught in my throat and I was too shocked to comprehend anything.

My father had just slapped me, for the first time. I let the realisation sink into me. My heart beat at an inhuman pace and my head shook with the hard blow and pain.

"Madhurima, samjhaao iss ladki ko, iski betukhi zidd nhi chalne wali mere samne", my mother who was the silent spectator of the whole scene seemed to snap out of her initial daze and just nodded, too afraid to rush for my aid. My father dashed into the bathroom before passing a glare at me while I stayed there on the floor numb.

[Translation: Madhurima, explain to this girl, her absurd stubbornness will not work in front of me.]

I flinched when a maid came to my rescue and embraced me, hugging me tightly. I blinked the tears which burned my eyes, blurring my vision and she wiped them off my face, her own eyes shedding sympathetic tears for me. While my mother still was rotted in her place.

At that moment, the five-year-old me couldn't understand the intensity of the situation. Tears descended my eyes, but I did not sob, I wasn't crying or wailing, it was just my eyes shedding tears. The whole of me trembled with terror on the cold floor.

I had witnessed my father's rage quite a few times, but never was I the victim of this absurd and vicious exploitation. Something in me broke at that very time, craving a deep fear in my heart, rapidly flowing in my blood with the newly founded dread and slowly the reality started to sink into me. It was the start of everything.

And since then never had I been stubborn or looked in the eyes of my father, because it always reminded me of how red his eyes had gotten when he had slapped me. No amount of frightening can justify the amount of fear that had crawled into me that day, leaving me completely petrified.

~

"Bhabhi?", I shriked and turned around, my eyes widening like saucers and my heart beating fast. My hands are on my heart as I stare at the person in fear. It was Nevan who looked at me confused while I was as white as a ghost.

[Translation: sister-in-law?]

"You scared me", I whispered, recovering from the initial shock. "Oh I am sorry", he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Kuch kaam tha?", I questioned. "Oh ha, mai toh bhul hi gaya, yeh Moksh ko dekha hai aapne? Kab se dhund raha hu mil hi nhi raha", his eyes thinned in confusion, while his face radiated a bit of anger.

[Translation: There was some work?

:Oh yes, I forgot, have you seen this, Moksh? I've been searching for so long but can't find it.]

Realisation dawned upon me and I looked at the time in my phone. My eyes turned big when I saw the time. It had been an hour since I last saw Moksh.

He was out for an hour and everyone started to notice.
What if someone questions me about his whereabouts? What am I going to reply? That I fought with him when he was being nothing but helping me? Sigh

A deep sigh left my lips and I narrated the whole scenario to Nevan. He gave me a look of astonishment but then quickly naturalised his expressions.

"Koi baat nhi bhabhi, mai dekhta hu, aap sabhi ke saath Ghar jaiye aur kisise kuch mat kahiyega", he said with a small smile and walked away. I nodded at no one in particular and made my way towards the main hall.

[Translation: No problem Bhabhi, I see, go home with all of them and don't tell anything to anyone.]

The hall was almost empty with only a few close relatives, all the guests had left. I searched for Ziya and walked towards her. Not soon after we left for Mehrotra mansion, with still no trace of my husband.

After reaching back, I changed into a simple kurti and comfortable pants and descended the stairs. The whole family was present in the living area and passed me with questionable glances. Moksh was still not back and it was close to midnight. Everyone was getting impatient and scared, with no whereabouts of his.

My father-in-law was seconds away from contacting the police commissioner when we heard a car pulling out in the driveway. All pairs of eyes turned towards the entrance and in walked in Moksh and Nevan, but Moksh was not in a pleasant state as he limped. His footsteps wobbled and he walked with the support of Nevan who was having a hard time stabilizing him.

I gulped when Moksh's hooded eyes stared deeply into my orbs and he passed me a loopside grin, making chills run down my spine. He could barely keep his eyes open and stand on his feet properly.

He was drunk, heavily drunk. He had come home drunk, something I hated the most.